The root of the emotionally troubled man and how to overcome it is the same for everyone, regardless of life circumstances or whether we can admit to seeing it or not. All trauma starts in the home with our mother and father, or caretakers who fill these roles. We have to understand these dynamics to be able to overcome them.
In First Corinthians 11, Paul reminds us: “The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.“
There is a God-given order to life, and whenever we are not in that order, hell starts to break loose. Most people nowadays are not in that order and, therefore, are not in order. Every man who has a woman over him is not in this order.
Because of that divine order, men serve as representatives of God on earth. Even in our fallen state, although we may be flawed, we still represent God; we are just not aware of it. That’s why, when we’re able to overcome this, we return to God, and the light of God radiates through us, having a remarkable impact on the world.
But men nowadays fail to recognize their significance. Evil exploits women and weak males to destroy the man.
So how exactly does this start to happen? We were estranged from our fathers in childhood. Our mother turned us away from our father; she recreated us in her image, inducing anger towards her. Our father’s absence left us unprotected.
Every woman wields unlimited power over her child and unconsciously manipulates them with emotions. When a mother exerts pressure, seeks control, or engages in excessive mothering, we become angry at her, causing us to internalize her traits. We take on her personality, her demeanor, and her emotions.
While society may suggest otherwise, women do not possess unconditional love. For a woman to be able to love, there have to be conditions; first and foremost, she is searching for security. When they no longer feel safe, their love may be overshadowed by emotions like anger.
Many men end up in relationships with women similar to their mothers and even emulate them. We tend to adopt the traits of those we hate, leading many men to mirror their mothers’ emotional patterns. Overly emotional men consider their feelings as absolute truths and react and overreact self-righteously, mirroring their woman’s behavior because they’ve internalized their mother’s identity, which is emotional.
The worst thing that can happen to boys and girls, especially boys, is to be turned away from their earthly father. This separation distances us from God, and we cannot know God. We cannot love God unless we love our earthly father because the earthly father represents God. He is the son of God.
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” – Romans 8:14
Overcoming these challenges is imperative; self-induced change is futile.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” – Romans 5:3-4
If you cannot appreciate pain in the same manner as pleasure, you won’t experience growth in life. Nowadays, men are often too soft, resembling women because they have internalized their mothers’ identity; they lack endurance. Thus, if you can maintain the same attitude during both favorable and adverse circumstances, you can overcome anything.
Overcoming these challenges is imperative because self-induced change is futile. You cannot make yourself stop being a sex addict, you can’t make yourself stop being a drug addict, you can’t make yourself stop being anything. There is no point in trying to change your behavior. It builds you up to let you down. Inner change precedes outward transformation.
But how do you overcome this trauma?
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9
We have to return to the God-given order of life. We do this when we forgive our mother for turning us away from our father, shaping us in her image, and forgive our father for not protecting us from our mother. And God will forgive us.
We must acknowledge the feelings of hate, abhorrence, and resentment towards our mother. If you believe you don’t harbor such feelings, it’s important to learn to know yourself better. Essential to knowing yourself is the acknowledgment that all people are separated from God because of sin. Reflect on your past experiences. Look for instances where she exerted her will over you, was excessively protective, unjustly punished you, or allowed her emotions to control her, making you responsible for them. Also, recall moments when you mirrored her emotional reactions, which are not your natural state. Create a list of these instances. It’s essential to admit your sins; that’s the beginning of freedom. Then, come to understand that she has been unable to control herself, just as you were unable to do so. This realization will facilitate the process of forgiveness.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1
If possible, face your mother directly. Don’t ask for forgiveness. Simply say, “I’m sorry for harboring resentment towards you. I forgive you for imposing your will on me and for turning me away from my father.” Additionally, address the items on your list. “I forgive you for x, I forgive you for y…“
Do not anticipate her apology. Most mothers are unlikely to forgive you and may become emotional, attempting to guilt-trip you for accusing her. Refrain from reacting emotionally; instead, observe her, as if watching a movie.
Then face your father and say, “I forgive you for not protecting me from my mother.”
Understand that he didn’t abandon you; he genuinely loves you. He left your mother. He, like your mother and yourself, couldn’t help his actions. All fathers love their children, even if they struggle to express it. This is a generational curse; you have the power to break it.
The beauty of forgiveness lies in the moment you say, “I’m sorry for harboring resentment towards you,” at that instant, God forgives you, and you experience liberation. You begin to transform; you awaken. God renews your mind, restoring you to your original state of being before you were traumatized by your mother’s actions. He removes all emotional burdens, and you cease to be governed by emotions, naturally embodying manhood, becoming a true son of God. Real men are not driven by emotions; they possess a rational mind, while it’s women who may struggle with irrational thoughts. It is a man’s primary responsibility to aid women in overcoming this, guiding her out of her hell into his heaven.
Everything we do in life is spiritual; it’s all about the spirit; it’s not about the physical at all. Everything revolves around the spirit.
That emptiness, that void within you, it’s a yearning for the love of the father, and nothing else will suffice, nothing but a return to the father and no amount of wealth, companionship, or material possessions can fill it; you will continue to experience that void until you return to the father. Once you reconnect with the father, fear, doubt, worries, and insecurity dissipate, replaced by absolute perfect peace. Regardless of the challenges you face, they do not shake you because you are with the father, who loves you unconditionally.
However, if you remain attached to the ways of the mother, fear, doubt, worries, and insecurity persist, accompanied by intrusive thoughts of self-harm. Living in a world of imagination filled with falsehoods, it’s a deceptive trap that builds you up only to let you down in the end.
When you return to the father, you will be guided by the light, and through the light of God within us, he directs us because God genuinely loves his sons and all people. Initially, when you’re born through the flesh of a woman, you’re of the flesh. However, as you mature into adulthood, you’re reborn through the spirit of God, of the father. Now, you’re of the spirit, but many people fail to undergo this transformation because they haven’t experienced being born again. Being born again is possible, but it’s solely within God’s purview, and he only bestows it upon those earnestly seeking his kingdom in the right manner; you must genuinely seek him and look within. Once you return to the father, your life will unfold before you.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27